i write this after a particularly argumentitive phone call with my dad. he is in favor of me selling my computers; however i am not.

i am supremely attatched to all of my technology; my computers hold a lot of memories for me. i also tend to anthropomorphize objects in my head, giving them human attributes in terms of feelings, mind, and consciousness. computers are alive to me, have emotions and feelings, and have the ability to bond. no matter how much i may say my asus vivobook flip 14 is an unupgradable piece of shit; no matter if i complain about how slow my dell e7440 may get sometimes (prior to upgrading the ram), and even if my qosmio x70-a is a paperweight right now due to needing the charger and an ssd (which will be delivered soon), my computers are all souls that i love and care for. anything that doesn't run macos or is a chromebook has value to me. i have two towers that don't work right now, 1 - the alienware just needs a new gpu (which is not necessary to operate, but is good if you are doing graphically intensive things), 2 - the xptower from school is just a parts computer (or so my brother thinks... i think it is that we don't have a cord rated for the powersource on that thing. and we don't.) TLDR; i can't get rid of my computers because i love them too much; and most of them work or are close to working.

i realize how i describe my feelings towards computers is the same that objectum people do; but i am not objectum. all of my emotions towards my technology is purely platonic. no shade to objectums however, i'm a ficto so we're basically cousins.

one fallacy my dad fails to realize though; is that he has way more motorcycles and cars than i have technology. most of his vehicles are broken down. if you did a ratio of how many of our things that work to things that don't work, i would outnumber him.  more of my devices work. and somehow he thinks i have constant issues with my devices because a lot of them are old. i do not. if i have any issues, i fix them. and it's quick; i almost always have the required tools to fix any issues that my devices may endure. all of his broken vehicles have been broken for long amounts of time. while that can be attributed to his work schedule, i can't help but think that he's projecting a little.

my interest is computers, his is mechanics. he constantly tries to force me into mechincs related things; trying to brute-force my brain into dropping my tech hobby and picking up mechanics.

he fails to understand my brain is different than his. he's "grown up" alledgedly, even if the way he treats the people he lives with says otherwise (eg last night, noone outside of my family will know what i'm talking about however, so Gesa), so he is thinking to free up physical space and get me a single, new, modern computer the money rather than all of my "old shitboxes". well well well mr grown up i still have joy and whimsy and love all of my old shitboxes because they fit my current needs (and reasons listed above). the chromebooks i have however, i have no quarrels with dumping those. i've cannibalized them horribly. they have no use either. i have computers because they're my hobby. i have computers because i love all of my babies. they all have their purpose and they are serving them well. my asus is mainly used for watching youtube and watching illegally acquired television shows, however it's also used for gaming + gamedev. my dell is my main powerhouse and my music machine. after i got my wacom, i also began using it for art rather than my kindle (which has sideloaded gms on it.) my qosmio is going to be a gaming laptop, so the asus will be bumped down to mediacenter once i get it working. the qosmio was a gaming laptop anyways. my dad is failing to understand that i am satisfied with what i have. i am simple, i do not need some stupid advanced gaming laptop with rainbow leds all over it. i like having all of my needs separated onto different devices. having gaming, work, and entertainment delegated to certain devices is compatable to my brain structure. even if my room has clothes all over the ground and stuff not put away at the moment, i will eventually organize everything into their subsections. i am a teenage boy, after all. if that sways your opinion on my point of view; i am 16. hopefully that unsways it a little. maybe my insane lore is worth noting too because trauma makes a man mature faster, and so does having xx chromosomes. absolutely not saying you would be able to consent to intercourse or some other adult things, but i'm saying critical thinking and intelligence are hightened because constantly being in fight or flight mode has evolved your brain to think faster. it also fried your nervous system, and maybe made you a system while that was frying. trauma also causes arrested development sometimes.

i feel like bringing up how i got my qosmio is relevent to describing my feelings towards computers. will be a bit of a writing exercise, too. i need to practice for my slow burn lapfox fic on ao3.

in compsci, we were dismantling laptops. i looked at the pile behind me; and the glossy red immediately caught my eye as well and so did the blu-ray logo. when we were released to snatch laptops, i immediately raced for the red that drew me to it in the first place with a foaming mouth, which was easy because the pile was directly behind me. it was beautiful, from the moment i layed my eyes on the glossy red i had fallen (platonically) in love with the laptop. it was even more beautiful in my hands. the textured grey on the back of the monitor with grey text that read cosmio in the lower right corner, to the perfect detailed black of the lower compartment of the device. opening it revealed a more garish view; the slight shine of the smooth keys, the large space to allow for easier gaming needs, the detail on the keyboard, the placement of the mousepad, and finally the stickers. the computer has intel i7 inside and an nvidia gpu. i do not remember which one. sitting back at my desk, having done this song and dance before, i looked over the computer and figured out how to get into the laptop. once inside it, i unscrewed some things, took some things off, but ultimately put them back because i wanted to take it home. it was too much of a great chance to pass up; and the teacher was going to toss the laptops after anyways. this computer was too beautiful to be in the trash. i asked the teacher about it (multiple times throughout the period) and close to class ending, he was said sure. the other times he was answering "depends". the joy i felt in that moment were indescribable in any human language.

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i feel a sort of disconnect now as i edit this the next day. whenever something stressful or "traumatic" happens, i will avoid anything to do with it for a short period of time. a situation like this may be traumatic due to my long history of being around for my parent's arguments as a googoo, or the loud beration that i would endure at my step dad's will. however, it's very hard to do with an interest. i've had my dad yell at me for being a child simply having fun with liking things. he won't get on me for putting water in my toy horses troughs or pretending my nerf bow is a horse like my step dad, but he will get on me for having hobbies and interests. lapfox used to be a target of this; but i began hiding my interests from people because of him. you're only gonna figure out what media i'm into by going into my room, or looking at my phone. my hobbies such as computers, music, and art are basic things i tell people when they meet me. i am not looking to hide my hobbies out of fear of possible wrath because it isn't "grown up" or because apparently being an adult means being a boring asshole who sucks the joy and whimsy out of other's lives. i do not want to get rid of my hobby for efficiency. i do not care if it's for efficiency. i am allowed to enjoy things and your opinion on how to enjoy my hobby is invalid. i do not care if it's to "get a better laptop". i love all of my devices dearly and they serve me well. i have no reason to part with them. they are museums of memories for me to hold onto. boohoo mommy hit you when you were a baby and melted your legos that doesn't mean you have to suck the joy out of me and my hobby